Monday, April 10, 2006


I've been so busy and my energy so sapped with all the things I have to do, I don't know how to make it through the next few weeks until the end of school. It's so close, but I can't even think of how close it is because all I can think of is what I have to get done this minute... and that minute...

I wish I could take care of my body better. I want to run. I want to walk. I want to be in the sun. I want to eat more fresh vegetables. But I can't do any of those things like I should, because I cannot invest the time. I feel like I'm losing these days and months of my life. It makes me so sad. I wish I could spend more time with my friends... Especially those who are graduating soon and moving away. I'll look around one day and they'll be gone, and I will have missed their departure, trapped in the cloud of my own breathless life. I wish I would write more, and on my time. Deadlines are sneaking up faster than I can crank out even mildly acceptable junk to turn in, and I cannot do anything that I feel enhances me as a person. I wish I could spend more time in prayer and meditation. When I sit down to seek God intensely, my mind will not leave behind all the things of the day, and all the things coming up for tomorrow. It will not let go of the wishes and dreams that I am constantly having to put on hold, and it will not let go of my sadness and my overwhelmedness.

Excuse me, but I have to go to yet another meeting... Maybe you'll hear from me again sometime in the next month.

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