Ashton... My little sister and one of the best friends I have ever had. I guess since she's almost 21 she's not a baby anymore.
Still, I could not believe my ears when she called to tell me that she's ENGAGED!!! I was not prepared for this to happen for another several years--after all, she and Trey have only been dating for six years now!
Ashton and Trey. I love these two kids and I'm sure they'll have a beautiful life together. I just hope we can still be best friends!
Mary Ann is one of the best friends I've ever had. We've known each other for five years, but I can't remember not having her beside me... she truly feels like a sister. She was there with me on my wedding day, nearly two years ago
...and today, I was able to do the same for her.
I was surprised at what an emotional day it was for me, to stand with her as she took her vows. I guess when you love someone so much, it's difficult to let them go--to look at someone else and say, You be her best friend now; sweep her away... because then things change. I move to a new city, she moves to a new city... and then every time we see each other we are "catching up." But you know, that's okay, because for some reason that is the way life is supposed to be. We can't live in college forever.
Look at these two. Mary Ann and Jacob are truly a match made by the Lord Himself, and I couldn't love them more.
Though it's hard to let you go,
In the Father's hands we know
That a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.
I love wildflowers. I love them for their special, unique beauty that a neatly trimmed flower-bed can never duplicate. I love the way that each flower has its own season in which to bloom and flourish, whether it is the summer sunflower or the winter gentian. I love the way they sing, raw and unrefined, like the folklorists of the earth.
The season of violets is just coming to a close--they first began appearing in February and lasted through the chilly season, and now are yielding to the spring bloomers--dandelions, wisteria, and others. But violets have a special meaning to me...
Here, I will share with you an excerpt from a narrative I wrote about a time in my life when I was truly depressed, and how God used the world around me to lift me out of the pit I was in. I hope you enjoy it.
Our good friend, Kevin, is gone. Not forever--thank goodness. For a year. In Mexico. Teaching English with the Marist Volunteers. He's a wholehearted Catholic. I think that's awesome.
Bob and I visited him on Friday night, the day before he flew out. Kevin is one of those rare friends with whom all the time you spend is quality; he never lets a moment filter through the sieve of idleness. That is perhaps one of the qualities I, and Bob, admire in him the most. That, and his tolerance and open-minded spirit towards new thoughts. I know with all my heart that he loves Jesus, but he is so unlike other conservative Christians that it is refreshing just to be around him. When we told him that we had gone vegan, I was at first taken aback that he didn't react with surprise. But then he commented later: "I just assumed you were vegan in the first place."
That night we watched with him Diarios de motocicleta, or The Motorcycle Diaries. What a good film. I knew nothing about Che Guevara before I watched it, but it made me really interested in him. Kevin, he has such a strong heart for Latin America--like Bob and I do for France. After the movie we took a long walk, and it was so fun to just hear him talk about the political situation in Cuba, as if he was an authority. I just drunk it all in. The night was warm and comfortable and dark, and it is always refreshing to share such times with friends. We got lost among the neighborhood streets, and followed our instincts eventually back to the right road home.
We stayed up talking so late. Bob had to leave early in the morning, but we ignored that fact as long as possible, just talking about all the world with our friend. He wants to start a commune in North Carolina, where his girlfriend has several acres of good fertile land. How much would Bob and I love that kind of life! We said we would join them, if they ever were able to get it in motion. As it is, I am stuck in a stuffy city with no room for a garden. Making my life and raising my kids in a rural place with good earth and friends would be an utopia for me... But Kevin is idealistic. Perhaps the commune will pan out one day.
Once we got back to his basement we talked about God and Cuba and mangos and everything in between. Finally it got really late, and I said we should probably go. I looked up at Kevin, who was sitting across the room, and said "We're going to miss you, Kevin." My voice broke. Then an amazing thing happened: Kevin came over to the couch where Bob and I were sitting, and the three of us just prayed and sat in silence and hugged and cried (well, maybe the crying was mostly me) and shared our hearts for several long, peaceful moments. We prayed blessings over one another. Praise God for friends like that.
Our hearts were so full when we left Kevin's house that night. It's so hard to say goodbye to someone with whom you have shared so many special times in your life. As we drove home, I thanked God that wherever Bob and I go in our lives, we will go side by side.
Yay! We went down to Charleston for our anniversary this past weekend, and we had the loveliest time. We saw a bit of the city, including the very beautiful harbor and the historic downtown area. We had a nice lunch on Saturday at "The second-best restaurant in South Carolina," which was a crab shack downtown. It really was delicious food...
Our campsite was adorable! We cooked some of our own food there, and it was nice and quiet. Hot in the tent, but we were in a very shady spot so it was bearable.
The beach was amazing--the waves were enormous on Saturday afternoon, I think mostly because it was a breezy day and the tide was coming in. But we body-surfed ourselves silly--and red. Poor Bob had quite a nasty sunburn on his shoulders, although we took the obvious sunscreen precaution, and were not really out all that long.
We went back to the beach later that night (after getting a quick coffee fix at Starbucks), and it was just beautiful. I tried to take some pictures, but it was too dark out to see anything. 
But the sky was half clouded and half clear. Some stars were twinkling down so brightly, dispersed between the intermittent clouds, and then there were patches of sky that looked completely black. As always, I was amazed by the ocean after dark, which sounded so enormous even though most of it was invisible, black and melting into the black sky. We walked up and down the beach for about an hour and a half on Saturday night, just enjoying the quiet, the coolness, the breeze, and the amazing display in the sky. Every few moments or so a distant lightning would strike behind the clouds, so that they were lit up in the foreground of the sky. When this happened and the clouds were outlined in the silver-gray lightning light, the night sky behind them looked blacker and the stars appeared far more distant. You could really see the layers of heaven shining out in those brief, dazzling moments. We left the beach around ten o'clock, at the time when the mandatory lights-out goes into effect for the benefit of the nesting sea turtles.
Sunday morning I woke up at the crack of dawn and shortly realized that I was awake for the day. So to amuse myself, I decided to walk around the campground and take pictures. As I approached the lake, I saw a large white blot out on the greenish water. As I crept closer, I realized that a white crane was standing out in the middle of the lake. He was keeping perfectly still. As quietly and gently as I could, I began inching closer, trying to see if I could get close enough to take a really good picture. In the end, the picture below was the closest I was able to get to him; he kept taking flight and moving across the lake. I spent nearly an hour stalking him that morning, but he was going about his business and had no mind to keep still for my amusement. So I crouched from a distance and just watched him for awhile. 
I watched him catch his breakfast from the middle of the lake, using his comic-looking neck thrust to dart his head swiftly down into the water. I watched him walk around the opposite bank for awhile, pacing among the trees as if he could not decide what to do with the rest of his Sunday morning. Finally, he crept off into the trees and I never saw him again. On my way back to my campsite, some wild turkeys crossed my path. I stopped for a minute to see if they would scramble away from me, but they seemed altogether undaunted by my presence. When I got back to the tent, I woke Bob up with the irresistible smell of peanut butter and banana oatmeal (which I didn't eat--I made myself some blueberry oatmeal earlier when I woke up). He ate, we packed up the tent, and headed back home.
It was so sad to leave. We had such a lovely time down there, and I wish we could have stayed an entire week. But I cannot be sad, because the time we did have was absolutely wonderful.
Sunday, July 23, was our actual anniversary. We cracked open a bottle of champagne when we got home and celebrated. Then we made ourselves a completely vegan pizza, complete with homemade yeast-risen whole wheat dough. Bob is a pro at handling pizza dough, being the pizza man for seven hours a day at the dining hall. He crimped the edges of the crust and the pizza just looked so delicious! It tasted great too. It's so good to know that when we become vegan we can still enjoy pizza--it had so many delightful veggies on it that I did not miss the cheese in the least.
After pizza and bubbly, we walked to Vision Video (the best rental store ever, at $1.61 for a five-day rental) and rented Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Both of us grew up on the old Gene Wilder movie and have been reluctant to see the new Johnny Depp take on our beloved Willy Wonka. But I'll give any Johnny Depp movie a chance. It actually turned out to be a very good movie--not freaky and dark like I had anticipated. Now it's hard for me to say whether I like the original movie or the new, completely different film better. Both have some very strong points, and both have very unique styles that almost cannot be compared.
So that was our first anniversary. I guess we're not newlyweds anymore, though after several months you could hardly be connsidered newlyweds anyway. Our first year has been the most wonderful time of my life--I can't wait for the rest of eternity! 
I'm having quite a decent week, I would say. But I want Friday to be here more than anything...
Sunday, 23 July, is our first wedding anniversary! I now understand what grown-ups would always say when I was a kid, about how time whips by so much more quickly as you get older. I don't feel like it's been a year since that day. I remember everything I did, every person who was with me, every butterfly, every tear. How could I ever forget those moments?
Bob and I are going camping near Charleston, South Carolina, and we're as excited as little children on Christmas Eve. Bob wanted to go to the beach, I wanted to see Charleston, we both have wanted to go camping for quite awhile now... It is all going to happen. Soon.
But not soon enough. I miss him still, so much. Yes, I have gotten used to him being there while I'm here. But it doesn't make me not long for him to be here with me. Every week so far he's made it down here once or twice to visit in the middle of the week, but this week it's not happening. I can't blame him for being tired of making the hour-and-a-half drive, and getting up at 5:30 to make it to work. But we're so close to the end of the summer now, and I wish he could find himself able to do it just a few more times. It makes the week easier to know that, at least once, I'll be able to come home and have his arms around me. But like he tells me, a married couple should be able to spend time apart like this. And I can--I just don't want to, and I resist it as stubbornly as a child.
No matter. Tomorrow's Thursday. Day after that, we're together for the weekend to celebrate our anniversary and have a beautiful time together. Just Bob and Laura.
Tonight was a great night for running. The thunderstorms scattered just long enough, the sun broke the clouds apart so mildly, and the humidity waned and cooled so refreshingly that there was no way that I could not run this evening. Even the hills did not daunt me.
The neighborhood I am staying in this summer is a fairly old development, and the sidewalks are periodically mounded up by victorious tree-roots pressing through. The houses do not swallow the surrounding ecosystem; people have made their mark here, but it is not a destructive, desecrating one. Merely seven miles from downtown Atlanta, such harmony can exist. At times like this, as I was running tonight and ducking beneath limbs and breathing air that smelled fresh at least, I am encouraged that the planet has a fighting chance.
Bob and I have found an activity to be engaged in together this summer, even though we're apart. We're writing a story together. "Writing" is a bit of a misnomer, because we're still early in the planning phases and have not actually written any of the story's text yet. We have been profiling the characters and working out the kinks of the plot. It's actually an idea he had that we've been stewing over for awhile, and now we're both getting excited about it. We have been chatting online about it, often in character to get a sense of their voices; and while such a medium is far from an intimate way to spend time with one's spouse, we have found that it actually works really well for this purpose because we can record a transcript of all that's been said, which we can build on later. And being excited about the story helps to soothe the pain of being apart so much.
We're actually not separated as much as we could be. We had a wonderful weekend together, and Bob has promised to come visit me in Atlanta once or twice a week. It's just difficult to spend days at a time apart when I have grown to love his presence so much. But as he keeps telling me, and as I well know, in times like this I have to turn to God and allow Him to comfort me when my husband is not there. And I have to rely on His strength to carry me every day. When Bob and I got married, one of the scriptures we had read at our wedding was Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, which talks about the goodness of being bound to another person. The last phrase of that passage is, A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Bob and I are each a strand, but the third strand in our cord is the Lord. And as long as we stay bound faithfully to each other and to Him, then I believe He will bring us through every trial we face. And at the end of this summer, our marriage will be stronger because we will have learned to rely on God first.
So my life has gotten more and more bearable over the past week, as I've become more comfortable with my job and grown stronger about being away from Bob. Tomorrow Bob is coming to town, and we will be cooking a yummy-looking baked salmon dish for the family. More to come on that!
I've been so busy and tired with work and getting adjusted to new surroundings that I have been unable to get my creative juice flowing. So far the summer has been... well, rough in many ways. My husband had to move to ANOTHER CITY to find a job, and I've been living in Atlanta with his aunt and uncle and young, young cousins. And work has been a little on the stressful side. It's hard to be a newbie, and especially when I know that everyone else around me at least has a college degree. And at the same time, I have not found my current tasks to be entirely challenging or stimulating. But after next week it's on to better things.
I just hope I can shake the nervous feeling I'm constantly having. I feel sick in the mornings, nauseous and dizzy, and then in the afternoons I feel shaky. I have a sinking feeling that no one in the office likes me, even though I'm trying so hard. It's probably just silly paranoia; still, I can't help but think that I've screwed up somehow already.
I've enjoyed cooking when I have the time. My husband and I recently discovered that we can go to Whole Foods and get frozen edamame for nearly half what we've paid for it elsewhere, so I see myself experimenting with that as much as possible. It's been interesting living with non-vegetarians--we're constantly having to explain things to them. On top of that, Bob's aunt is a celiac and cannot eat gluten. So I've been mulling over some vegetarian, wheat-free ideas. I'm sure I'll be back with more on that later.
I know it's been several weeks since my last entry--I've been at different times pretty sick, pretty busy, or pretty lazy. I've been doing a lot of cooking, a bit of visiting, and more staying up playing video games with Bob than I ever thought I was capable of. But tonight, it's time for a little bit of writing.
The internship that I have been looking forward to for six months now has finally begun. I started training this past Monday in Greensboro, North Carolina. Our days have been so full of learning and presentations and case studies that I have been mentally exhausted at the close of each day--once all the computers have been closed down, all the dinner courses finished and all the drink glasses drained, all the socializing wound down and all the people finally turning in for the night, I have been so taxed (excuse the pun) that the best I can do is to flop down on my queen-size bed and let my brain swim for just a few minutes. Not that I'm saying at all that I have not liked it--quite the contrary, I have enjoyed nearly every moment--but it's a different sort of exertion than I'm accustomed to. It's wonderful to see the concepts I've studied and memorized and been examined on over the past two years finally being put to practical use right in front of me, like someone opening up my rusty mind and pulling out tools I forgot I had amassed, and saying, "See this? Let's lube it up, you're going to need it."
But most importantly, I had a moment yesterday when I knew, I knew, that I would not lose sight of who I am (or, more appropriately, who my God is and what He makes me to be in Him), as I have, to some extent, feared would happen. Staying rooted to my values--not letting anyone tell me that I must work as hard as I can and become a millionaire in my old age, when I know that I should be storing up my treasures elsewhere--not becoming self-focused when I have been commanded to love God first and my neighbors second, and to trust that He will always be faithful to meet all my needs--these are the things that I have to hold on to. There's nothing inherently wrong with the accounting profession; the problem is with the mindset that so many people in this profession have adopted, a set of values that could easily seduce someone away from the more rewarding and important things. Jesus promised, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." I believe that with all my heart.
I love the other interns from my office. They're going to be such a fun crowd, and I'm really looking forward to the time we'll spend together over the summer. In fact, there have only been a couple of down sides to the whole week. The first: I miss Bob. Since we got married, we've only ever spent one night apart at once. But he dropped me off at 9:00 on Monday morning, and will pick me up around 8:00 tomorrow night. That's five days, four nights. No Bob. We've talked on the phone each day, but that's a poor substitute. He hates talking on the phone, and so I always feel kind of estranged from him when he's on the line. Still, I look forward to those conversations with him. During the day, it makes me happy just to think about him and pray for him, and know that he misses me. The second problem this week has been the food. You know, I'm used to eating very low-fat, vegetarian-friendly meals. I'm used to eating a big breakfast and a small dinner. Don't misunderstand me--the quality of the food the resort has served this week has just been wonderful. Most people would love to spend a week eating the things they have set in front of. But picky me, I have had a hard time getting the foods I know I need to keep my body from going south very quickly. It's difficult for me to start my day with nothing but a plate of fruit and six ounces of yogurt. But of course, I won't eat the bacon and sausage, nor do I need the muffins and pastries. I cannot wait to have a simple bowl of Kashi with skim milk (or maybe soy milk?). Actually, the vegetarian thing has been very easy to work around--until today. At dinner tonight, for the main course, they set a plate of steak and grilled chicken down in front of me, alongside a tower of mashed potatoes (which I don't eat) and a stalk of broccoli. I felt terrible about asking them to bring me a vegetarian meal. I should have told someone earlier in the week that I was vegetarian, and the entire situation would have been avoided. But when I saw that every meal offered plenty of vegetarian-friendly options, I decided not to trouble anyone. It was a little embarrassing, but they were so nice about it. They made me a lovely pasta dish--and of course I didn't eat much of the linguine itself, but I ate all the vegetables out of it, and it was fine. Still, I will be glad to get home and have a meal that doesn't involve buckets of butter and heavy cream and oil and white starches. My lunch on Saturday, a bowl of homemade vegetarian black bean chili, will be one of the most refreshing meals I've ever had.
When your mind is exhausted, your body thinks it's exhausted too. Until yesterday, I was unable to work up the discipline to exercise, even though I desperately needed it. Last night I ran on the treadmill, about 3.5 miles. It felt great, and it stimulated me and made me realize that, in fact, I had plenty of energy to expend. Running involves your mind a lot too, so it wasn't entirely a veg-out session. Still, it felt good to breathe rapidly and have aching muscles, and to feel perspiration on the back of my neck. My run tonight was even better. About 8:30, when it was still barely light outside, I went out to run on the golf cart trails (the resort boasts two golf courses). The weather was just wonderful, and the terrain was gorgeous. I ran up hills and down, working out my pace all the way so that I could maximize my energy. I ran by greens and lakes, alongside small streams, through woods, and even inside a tunnel below the road. There was so much silence--just the slapping of my shoes against the path. It seemed like there was so much going on, both around me and within me. Once it got fairly dark and I was mostly spent, I turned around and ran back. This time, I ploughed straight through the night--it was as if the greens and the water all disappeared, and it was just me in a tunnel of night. I knew when I was in the woods because it became pitch black, and the flora that had looked so beautiful when I passed it the first time appeared this time as caves of nothing, exuding darkness. I ran up a steep hill, and when I got to the top there was the resort, glowing like a sand castle. It was beautiful.
This is my favorite kind of weekend--when you have nothing pressing to do, and you can just see all the people and do all the things that you've missed out on lately. Almost all my friends--including my husband--are graduating next weekend from UGA (I feel kind of strange to be staying a fifth year), and one of my friends' parents had a party for her yesterday, out in farm country where they live. It was like a fairy tale, sitting at white-clothed tables outside, warm spring day, a lake in the background, drinking champagne with close friends. We stayed late, then all gathered to watch 25th Hour until almost two in the morning. What a lovely time--I wish life could always be like that. But the sublime moments, when everything is right and fun and easy, are the little gems that I look forward to among everything else... The moments that make it all worth living in the end.
I went for a nice run this morning, though it was cut short by the rain. It was a gradual rain; I felt stray drops on my head when I first came outside, but the sky was black and I knew it would open up any time. And slowly it did, refreshing at first, but by the time I had run about two miles it was coming down so hard that I had to go home. But it was refreshing and energizing just the same, a habit I hope to continue this summer. Running has been hard for me lately because I've been so tired after schoolwork was done that I needed to nap or to veg. So I've enjoyed getting back into the rhythm. We went to church, and now it's off to farm country again, where Bob's family lives. Then sushi tonight with friends--again, my kind of day.
Hah! I've learned so much about cooking tofu since becoming a vegetarian--it can be tricky stuff. Yesterday, I made some great tofu burrito filling--just crumbled extra-firm tofu, sauteed with tomato paste and spices. That was a very-fun project, and it has inspired me. I've been cooking all day today, mostly baking breads. My nature writing class went out to Big City Bread for lunch today, and the restaurant was very quaint and the food delicious. Grilled vegetable wrap, including eggplant, zucchini, portabellas, red peppers, spinach, feta, and tzatziki sauce. Yum! But the thing that really got to me at the restaurant today was the bread selection--never, except in a Parisian boulangerie have I seen more wonderful things. So I immediately came home and made whole wheat oatmeal bread. Later tonight, I made cherry-walnut banana bread from the Fatfree Vegan Blog, of which I am a frequenter. One thing I've always wanted to do is bring the taste of French bread to the U.S.--something that has never, that I am aware, been successfully done. French bread in the U.S. tastes not even remotely like the French bread in *gasp* France--even at such gourmet locations as Panera Bread and the Atlanta Bread Company. Somehow, I have to learn the secret to making authentic French bread. I start with handcrafting and kneading my own loaves--I know that makes a difference. One day, I will produce a baguette reminiscent of French breakfasts (and lunches, and dinners, and all in between...) and that may very well be the happiest day of my life.
It was so cool out today! The wind was very strong and chilling--I had to break out the long sleeves again. It was overcast most of the day but never rained, so on the whole today was my favorite kind of day. I remember watching storms approach when I was a kid--playing outside in the summertime, when suddenly you notice the sky growing dark and a wind coming in (usually from the east, sweeping off the ocean). Breathing in that pre-thunderstorm air is always envigorating, as if you are inhaling the very electricity and excitement of the storm itself. Those electrons brush your nerve endings and then... The storm is inside you, in all its grace and wonder. That's what today reminded me of--sitting at the table outside Big City Bread, the tiny white lights in the trees overhead were the brightest visible light source. The leaves rustled in the wind and let go of their branches, and suddenly we would look down to find our salads replenished with new leaves. I held my coffee mug tightly between the palms of my hands as the chill bumps formed up my arms to the opening of my three-quarter sleeves. But the rain never came. Not today.
It would have been a glorious day for a run, and indeed I planned on it, but this afternoon I came down with a headache/stomachache/sore throat. So I decided not to push my body too far. Perhaps this weather will linger into tomorrow.
Well, here we are in our new apartment in Athens... It's definitely a change from the country life that I had grown used to and come to love, but you know, Athens is not a bad city. There are still places to escape to, but civilization is far closer at hand. Right now I sit here looking at boxes and naked walls, and wonder if this place will ever feel lived in. But of course it will--that just seems so far away right now, because so many other things take precedence over decorating your home...
How did we end up here so quickly? That's a long story... We really needed to get away from his parents, who were our neighbors. Parents across the ages have difficulty separating themselves from the lives of their grown children--it's uncomfortable to have pressure from parents to go in one direction, when you, a perfectly able and free-thinking adult, wish something different for yourself entirely. So we had to get away. I know things will be better now... although I will miss the ability to go out and escape into 100 acres of woods and pastureland, to look up at night and see the stars, unpolluted by the lights of the city. But those things are not gone forever, I have to remind myself. I will just have to find them in other ways.
So life has been outrunning me these past few weeks. I'm tired and I feel like my mind is just awakening from the numbness of constant wear and overexertion. Joy has escaped me--until a few nights ago, when I spent time with God like I have not done in a long time. I know He's in control of all this, and I don't have to feel like everything good in life is whirling away from me, out of my reach.
I'm enjoying writing about nature. I've started my long paper that is due at midterm, and I'm really having a good time with it. I know that nature has helped me get through some difficult times in the past because it is the only thing that is still pure in the world. The more we manipulate it the more it depresses me; but that's not exactly what I'm writing about. I can't wait to be done with it, so I can read it and find out if it tells the story I want it to tell. A story about healing.
I love to run--really. Nearly every time I drag myself out to go for a run, I find myself extremely glad that I did. Yesterday frustrated me, because it was so cool and blustery outside that the aerobic breathing actually hurt my chest, and I didn't run very far before I was winded and had to go home. But at first, I truly was having a great time.
If only the neighbors would keep their dogs penned up, running around here would be much more relaxed. But wherever I go, I am sure to find, at some point, some dog to come chasing after me, barking as if I had encroached on its territory, its hot breath on my ankles and shins. It frightens me every time, and nearly ruins my run. That was the thing that made me turn around yestereday--two of them, huge, just came tearing out at me as I tried to run by. I am not eager to get attacked by dogs while I'm trying to mind my own business and enjoy being outside; it's just not fair that the neighbors think their dogs can do no wrong and leave them unattended to terrorize anyone who happens by. It is one of the most upsetting things I know. I really am afraid of those dogs, even the smaller ones. So disappointing...
So I figured it was time for me to try out this blog thing, mostly so I could post on the class website. But who knows? I'm a journaler at heart--perhaps the idea of publishing a journal for my class (and who knows whom else) to read on a whim will start becoming more and more attractive to me... I just hope I don't get addicted to the internet again!
